Seeing Beetle at the Big Top last night had the look and feel of what it might have been like to see The Beatles at the Cavern in Liverpool back in the day.
The Knitters put on a fine show at The Continental Club which also hearkened to a bygone musical era.
Gosh, I recall listening to X way back in the early 80’s as I was sowing the seeds of my musical dissidence.
I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me your goofy chain letters over the past year.
Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.
Because of your concern…
1… I no longer can drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
2… I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put “Under God” on their cans.
3… I no longer drink anything out of a can because I will get sick from the rat feces and urine.
4… I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
5… I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
6… I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
7… I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
8… I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
9… I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don’t support our American troops.
10… I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a stupid number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
11… I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
12… I no longer date the opposite sex because they will take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.
13… I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.
14… I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me and St. Theresa’s novena has granted my every wish.
15… Thanks to all of you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes. (The BIBLE did not mention it works that way!)
17… I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).
18… I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.
Yes, I want to thank all of you soooooooo much for looking out for me!I will now return the favor. If you don’t send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next 60 seconds, a large bird with diarrhea will crap on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of my next-door neighbor’s ex-mother-in-law’s 8th husband’s 2nd cousin’s 3rd husband’s ex-wife’s mother’s tennis instructor.
I will spare you the gory details of my examination (though I am strongly tempted to scan the pictures and post them). I will say that the preliminary results are positive. Two polyps removed and sent for biopsy. I will have the results in a few days.
The preparations were worse than the procedure. Two days ago I had to cut out fruits and vegetables and yesterday was nothing but clear liquids and the special formula to clean out the pipes.
It’s all over now and I have been resting. Thank the fates for conscious sedation. I don’t remember a thing.
Are you tired of those who comment in your blog/journal only to point out your glaring spelling errors? You know, those comments that only serve to derail a perfectly good post? What could be more irritating?
Well dear blogger, fret no more!
I just stumbled on the latest Google Toolbar which spell checks Web forms and larger composition windows, such as in Web e-mail and yes, WordPress and Movable Type.
It’s a lifesaver!
One full week on the new diet and I’ve lost 4 pounds.
It’s official! I am now a PAID blogger.
Introducing Help Line 2.0!
The column I write for Houston’s largest daily newspaper has now added a blog component and the Houston Chronicle had hired yours truly (the only logical choice) to manage this online resource.
The web address is blogs.chron.com/helpline
I won’t be quitting my day job yet, but I AM a media monster.
