Humor – Page 6 – The Bald Heretic – Short, bald dude with a goofy beard

The Deadliest Laugh

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The Vast Bering … Drive?

Cynthia and I were driving to work one morning and from the depths of our sleep addled brains sprung the germ of a joke which we executed on a bright Saturday afternoon at the corner of San Felipe and Bering Drive. Lord knows what the drivers passing by must of thought when they witnessed this sight.

I.T. vs. Sales

The struggle beetween ~~good and evil~~ the I.T. department and sales. It’s a battle that can never be won…

The Great Office War from Runawaybox on Vimeo.

Happy (Early) Bastille Day!

Happy Bastille Day

Every Saturday we have breakfast at our regular spot and all the staff there know us on sight. We really like it there and they treat us well. It’s one of those places where you place your order and sit down. When your order’s ready they call your name and you come up to the counter and get it.

They’ve taken to calling me “Don Pelon” and it’s always good for a chuckle…

One Saturday we got a late start and by the time we got to the restaurant the line was out the door. We didn’t really want to wait around so we went to the nearby La Madeleine.

The next week we went back to our regular restaurant and the manager asked us where we were the week before. We explained that we went to La Madeleine and he got all huffy (in a playful way) and on that morning when our order was ready, rather than call out “Don Pelon” over the P.A. I hear “Francois, your order is ready” in a very bad French accent.

He’s been calling me Francois for some time now so Cynthia and I came up with the idea of sending a Bastille Day card to the restaurant and the work above is the result.

We even had a few extras made up and sent them out to a few friends and family while we were at it. We figure most people won’t get it, but it sure made us laugh! Now we’re sold on the idea of sending out offbeat holiday cards as a matter of course and avoiding the “standard” holidays altogether.

Too bad St. Swithun’s Day falls so close to Bastille Day….

Nice Pants

New Flint Police Chief David Dicks orders police to crack down on sagging pants

I only recently learned that the sagging pants phenomenon has it’s origins in the American penal system. Prisoners combined one size fits all pants with the “no belts” policy of prisons to come up with this little bit of gangster chic.

The resulting “sagging pants” look was later adopted by the rap/hip-hop community as a way to enhance street cred and, I suspect, as a means of “keeping it real, yo” …

Personally, when I see some young person walking around, struggling to keep his pants on I am not thinking “gangsta” … more like “idiot.”

I’m much more “old school” about my trousers and I obviously had MUCH better taste in pants when I was young.

Man May Work From Sun to Sun but Woman’s Work Is Never Done

Cynthia had the idea to put together a clone shot that would portray how she sees the distribution of the workload around here. I was able to hammer this out in about an hour. Click to see full size:

Dawn To Dusk

Vote For The New White Racial Slur!

Gawker.com asked for and received over 350 suggestions after requesting a new racial slur to describe white people. They’ve narrowed the selection down to 10 choices.

Rambins

Ivories

Osmonds

Cyclons

Altoids

Brunchers

Mayflowers

Elmers

Frecklers

The Casians

*EDIT* Aparently the choice is now down to “‘Nillas” or “Altoids”
You can cast your vote here.

I’ve also been reading Stuff White People Like, not only for the obvious humor, but the insightful self examination as well.

1978 Czech song Jozin z Bazin

Apparently this song is all the rage in Poland right now and totally worth watching from beginning to end….

The Lyrics in English

I drive Skoda 100 to camp here on Orawa
So I hurry, take a risk – go through Morawa
The monster lives there, comes out of the bog
Eats mostly Prague citizen, its name is Jozin (Joseph)

Chorus: Jozin from the bog creeps through swamp
Jozin from the bog closes to the village
Jozin from the bog edges its teeth
Jozin from the bog bites, strangles
To defend Jozin from the bog, who could imagine, only works a plane with manure (white powder)

I was driving through the village on road to Vizowice
The village mayor greeted me, said to me during drinking Sliwowica
‘The one who will bring Jozin dead or alive
gets my daughter and a half of National Agrarian Farm

Chorus

I said: ‘give me a plane and powder, mayor,
I’ll bring you Jozin, I see no trouble about that’,
Mayor helped me, in the morning I went up in the sky
The powder from the plane prettily fell on Jozin.

Chorus

Joe Swamp is now all white
Joe Swamp escapes from the bogs
Joe Swamp has turned to stone
For Joe Swamp, this is the end
I caught Joe and now I have him, woohoo!
Cash is always good so now I’m selling him to the zoo

Do a Youtube search on Jozin z Bazin to see various new versions and adaptations of the song…

Fat Ed’s Furry F*cking Guide To Metal!!!!

Strong language warning!
Also there’s a very stong chance that the beverage you are drinking will spew out your nose.